Know Your Boundaries

Everyone has boundaries.  They are defined by the sense of comfort, safety and love that results from how we are treated by others.  But many of us do not know our boundaries. It is only when they are crossed that we are aware of their existence.  The truth is, many of us have been programmed or trained to seek pleasure and acceptance from others and not to recognize or ignore our own boundaries that define what is innately right for ourselves.

This can begin in early childhood, when we are pushed, forced, tricked, appealed to, or even soothed into compliance with a myriad of different behaviors, roles, subjects, and ways of being to alleviate the pain of non-acceptance/withdrawal of love.  Some may have even had loss of privacy, of space, of feeling of control or independence.

Communication when a boundary is violated is important, as is respect and mutual understanding.  When one’s boundaries are continuously violated, ripple effects can be created, causing one to contradict their own desires.  When we allow our boundaries to be violated over and over, our minds find ways to numb us to protect us, but this creates dissonance and allows this behavior to continue.

In the following TEDx video Sarri Gilman provides a wonderful explanation about discovering and managing our boundaries

Sarri Gilman has found that clear boundaries enhance relationships and the quality of life.

If this resonates with you, make a choice to understand and respect you and your partner's boundaries in the here and now.  Breathe.  Feel the inner workings of your body and inner-self.  Listen more to your gut, to your heart.  In terms of boundaries the head’s way of thinking can be the most counterintuitive, ironically.  If something is not a “hell yes” then it’s a maybe and you should feel out when to end or leave whatever is happening, and if something is a “hell no” you should make it clear and not continue.  While this may sound simple it is easier said than done, and has impacts reaching not only with your relationships with family, but with your job, friends, partners, everyone.

Content paraphrased from Ria Bloom’s wonderful and informative “Ria Is Blooming”, original post  found here