6 Things Nobody Tells You Regarding Sex After 60

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“Toss out the old scripts about what sex includes, how it looks, how long it takes, or whether one or more partners experiences orgasm,” says Melanie Davis, PhD, a nationally certified sexuality educator and creator of “Our Whole Lives: Sexuality Education for Older Adults,” a series of sexuality workshops for adults over 50. “Sex is better after 60 if we accept change and adapt to it.”

  1. “Aging Out” of sex is Not a thing!

Don’t think of sex as a carton of milk that can go sour if too old – think of sex as more of a fine wine that improves over time. “The presumption is that sex is for younger, fitter, and—according to what we see reflected in our media—more attractive people,” Davis says. But a comprehensive national study of sexuality and health among older adults shows that most people want and need sex well past 60, and continue to have it often—even well into their 80s.  

“You can be sexual as long as you want to be,” says Lonnie Barbach, PhD, a clinical psychologist, author of The Pause: Positive Approaches to Menopause and Periomenopause, and co-founder of Happy Couple, an app designed to help couples grow closer. “It has nothing to do with how young you are; it has to do with your relationship and the person you’re with.”

2. How you define ‘good sex’ may change over time

When you are young, sex can be something like imitating the energizer bunny.  It can be frantic, fast and explosive (not to mention athletic!) However, as your body slows down over the decades, sex can become more gently, soft and more of a ‘slow burn’ instead of an intense bonfire.  “It’s not about how often you have sex and it’s not about how many positions you can be in. It’s really about sexual pleasure, and your relationship and connection you have with your partner,” says Barbach.

3. Physical Problems can be Overcome

By the time your are 60, chances are the menopausal not flashes have flamed out (or at least settled into a dug roar!)  This can be a good thing but it can also mean that vaginal dryness is now a ‘thing’. It can also mean that fluxuating hormone kevels have decreased your desire levels.

These potential barriers to sex are normal in aging bodies, but there’s no need to throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble. Talk to your doctor about treatments that can get you back in the business of getting busy. Taking care of yourself will go a long way toward increasing your libido.  “Exercise and good nutrition can help a great deal, both physically and emotionally, to help older adults feel vigorous, healthy, and sexually interested,” says Davis.

4. You may need more time to reach orgasm.

Your days of “the quickie” may be behind you, as both men and women tend to take longer to get aroused and orgasm as they age. “What once literally came easily takes more time and attention, and that’s not a bad thing,” says Davis. In fact, it can be more satisfying to go slowly and intentionally. You can get creative and find new ways to enjoy yourself or your partner, which means that sex becomes more about the journey and less about the destination.

However, communication is still key.  “That’s the major thing that makes a difference between couples who have a good sex life and keep it going, and those who don’t,” says Barbach. “If you don’t talk about it, you can’t adapt.”

5. You have more time to enjoy sex.

Being retired (and most likely an ‘empty nester’) means you have fewer demand on your time – so use that time wisely!  Sex can be any time and any where the mood strikes. “You don’t have to have sex just late at night,” says Barbach. Another bonus: with a period permanently out of the picture, pregnancy scares are a thing of the past, and there are no more pills or diaphragms to mess with. And—if you’re in a long-term monogamous partnership—there’s no more fumbling with a condom in the heat of the moment. (Just remember that if there’s any chance your partner could have an STD, condoms are still a must no matter your age.)

6. Use it or Lose it!

There are many ways to deal with any physical or mental issues getting in the way of your enjoyment of sex.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help taking out any obstacles to your regular and healthy sex life.

Excerpts from the following article:  https://www.prevention.com/sex/g20432982/sex-after-60/

 

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